Playground Gangstas

 

These are pictures from yesterday. It was an especially wonderful park time. But, in all fairness, my kids are really good at parking it.

But last week we were at the park and Eli swung and swung and swung on the swings and I pushed and pushed and pushed him. We were there till dark! Eli got quiet after a while and the swinging slowed down and he asked to be off the swing. He hugged me for a secong while I held him, then he looked me right in the eyes.....and barfed.

No really.

That's what happened.

But it didn't hit me, so it doesn't count.

I put him down so super fast! I guided him over to the plants and he spit into those. But no more barfing. 

So...........I forgot. I forgot about how you get so dizzy on the swings. I forgot about how when you've swung too long, you get the drunk spin...aka the worst feeling ever. But the walk home and a popsicle fixed it.

 Asher is completely in love with his daddy.
And probably vice versa.

 Gangtas on the playground.
Own it.

Oh, this is just a picture of the happiest baby ever.

Andy and the Baby Who Loved Beer

Guess what?

Daddy's hooooooooooooooooooome!
Andy got here in the middle of the night. I guess he took Eli to go pee and when Eli looked up to say he was all done and wanted carried back to bed, a big, drunken smile took over his little face.
Happy times.
The boys haven't stopped talking and screaming and running and all manner of the crazies. It's pretty fun.

I'm going to take a nap.

 

Asher is actually crying for a beer here. He really, really loves beer.

Happy Day!

King's Dominion

We went to King's Dominion yesterday! Had fun, a little bit of I'm-too-small disappointment, and awesome naps!

Eli, our fearless leader. Asher, the bodyguard.

A moment of zen in the middle of a leap of joy! Telling me just how awesome The Great Pumpkin ride was. (It was REALLY AWESOME!)

Decisions. Planning. Decisions.

View from the Eiffel Tower. Or maybe a 1/3 replica. Eli found rusted old paint to pick off and throw down. I pretended not to notice. I must be a freaking blind mommy.

Day is done.

Today, however, has been one of the most difficult ever. For no reason. I suspect stress, hormones, every kind of depression and personality disorder that runs so strong in my cold, Swedish, WASP blood, and maybe because I just felt like having kind of a shitty day.

I'm going crazy. Per usual. Ugh. But not really. I feel like when I feel like this, what I need/want should not be out of reach. So then I run into an ungratefulness problem too. But I just want a freaking babysitter for all day. Maybe two days. I want to sleep, uninterrupted, for one night. I want to wake up without a headache. I want to shower. Then I want to eat ANY food, be it healthy, homecooked, McDonald's, I don't care, I just want to eat it without holding anyone or getting up 20 times for any reason.

This is getting self-indulgent.

Or maybe I just want to send Eli to school and Asher to daycare and then I could go to a workplace where I have a completely separate identity from my kids and from my husband. A place where I can be judged by my clothes, my attitude, my cleanliness, and finally by the job I'm actually doing. But that is not where I am...and really that's ok. But sometimes, maybe once a month, twice? Once a week! maybe that's what I want to do.

Enter volunteerism. (as an idea. not as a thing I'm doing.)

But good god, I wish Andy would get here. I wish I didn't have to do my job as a mom and worry about other people's shit. Like Ange's computer, Dad's computer that he leaves on the table every day, Dad's ballistic sunglasses, Jo's phone, her WiiU, her gd pencils and pens and markers, all her toys, SD cards, keys, batteries and everything else that homes with babies have hidden high away. I don't want these to be my problems anymore.


Maybe it's all up from here?
Here's hoping.

Friday the 13th

So when the doctor told me I was pregnant, she might as well have been saying this.

As much as I love these joyful poop machines, they are the bane of my existence. Did I say that? What I mean is, they suck the life out of me. I mean, I love them. I do. No question about that. They are really just so much WORK. I'd rather GO to work. But I can't as I am wholly committed to their well-being. This is my job. And I do a really good job some days. Other days......

On the other hand, they certainly work hard to entertain/annoy the crap out of each other.

....like right here for example. 

 

Eli thought he found some secret-time privacy! But sneaking up behind him is the ever-alert Seeker.

Blast! Found. 

Do you know what I found today?

 Is that...is that what I think it is??

It is! A kitty Peter Pan! Oh, joy!

Oh, and it is Friday the 13th! This day is filled with fun superstitions, scary movies, black cats, so so so many memes and movie-inspired photography. For us, we will continue watching James and the Giant Peach! 

Also, do you think kids are scary?

Happy Friday!

Milk

This is what a angry, get-out-of-my-face baby looks like. If you see one, it's mine.
Breastmilk or gtfo.

 And these are happy kids on a million degree day.

I actually want this blog to be about our homeschooling and our never-ending quest to simplify.
So, I'll start with homeschool.

Eli is warping his mind with some necessary pop culture like Power Rangers and Rescue Bots.
Oy. That doesn't sound very impressive, does it? Well, too bad, poopheads!
 

 But we did this. An experiment. Experimenting with milk!

And we learned a lot.

 

We learned that mommy hates everything when it's this. freaking. hot. 

And playing outside with milk when it "feels like 95" with 59% humidity....is a bad idea. 

 But at least clean up was a breeze.

Last night, we got ice cream at an ice cream place and when Eli was ready to order, he goes, "Um. Excuse me, sir? I'm ready. I'd like some ice cream and chocolate." Which meant a hot fudge sundae. Isn't he sweet? Don't you love him? Don't you just want to squeeze the living shit out of him?

 

This is a sexy kitty. 

Do you know a kitty who is seriously this sexy?

Chicken Fun

 We went to a farm today! A friend of the family's.

The boys checked out the chickens.

Curiouser and curiouser!

 

We collected eggs and, as always, Eli picked out one special egg to hold on to.

 And he found this chicken.

I found this giant heron over yonder.

Tire swang fun! Yeehaw!

Sweet boys.

PBJ's and Independence

Jo is my much younger sister and last night she took serious pride in making this five-pound peanut butter and jelly sandwich for my kiddo. They were both pretty proud of themselves.

I'm in much better spirits today as I daydream about one day owning a sexy electric bike. Sexaaaaay.

I really believe in the goodness of video games for all of us. Did you know that kids who play video games do better as adults?

Me and some supercool nine and ten-year-olds were discussing the value of Minecraft.

This made me really happy. I spend many hours neglecting my responsibilities while reading/watching/laughing/learning from cracked.com. You might say it's my favorite. 

Yup. It's too hot to think today. Plus the humidity. Plus I'm wearing leggings. And holding a hot, sweaty, sleeping baby. And my tummy hurts. Mmmmmmeeeehhhhhhh.

Gluten-free Nosebleeds

 

 These are my boys. I love them obsessively and unapologetically.

I think they are regular boys. They play, play, play some more. They make giant messes. They sometimes eat like elephants and they sometimes eat like mice. Whenever either one of them is just inconsolable in tears, we just go outside. It's my only secret. Secret of the parenting world. Screaming fits: outside. Heartbroken: outside. Bored: outside. Morning: outside. Being way too loud: outside. Rambunctious: outside. ........I think you see the pattern. 

They bring unreal joy to my life and unbelievable frustration. I never really thought I would have kids, but, like most parents, I can't imagine my life without them. 

Enough of that. 

Asher, sweet baby, is gluten free. Yesterday, for the first time in months (!!!), he found and ate a non-gluten-free food. He ate half a waffle. Before I noticed him happily chomping away, he had already eaten HALF of it! Ah! Do you know what that might do to his digestive system? I didn't. But it turns out, not that much. Long story short, he slept not well. Which means I didn't sleep well. But it could have been worse. 

This is what happened with Eli: one morning, bloody nose. That night, bloody nose, a bad one. It bled for an HOUR. He was terrified to go back to sleep lest he wake up covered in blood again. But sleep he did. Next day, THREE nosebleeds. Three? What the h is going on here? We are in Virginia and it is suuuuuuuuuper humid. I've been putting coconut oil in his nostrils before bed to add moisture....it seems to be working? Haven't had one in two days. Oh, and my friend told me I was stopping the nosebleeds wrong. All this time! So here is how.

It was been more than eventful. 
And I am tired. 
Oh, yah, and pregnant.

Post Number One

Well, I didn't mean to title it this. Oh, well. Why don't they let you change it? Or delete it? There have got to be thousands of dead blogs with good names that are just sitting there taking up precious internet space. So now I'm just going to stick with this title because it's probably more appropriate than any other "funny" name I would have picked on purpose.

Maybe this really is me giving a shit.
I mean, I'm doing this blog-thing again, aren't I?
I'm giving more shits than you probably are. And that's what matters.
Guess what else? I'm not interested in making this special or unique or even pretty right now. I just feel like writing about myself. 
For sanity's sake.
For fuck's sake!

Right now, my soundtrack is Black Ops shooting and cussing while my little baby darling cries because, I would venture to guess, he loves torturing me. But maybe if he would sleep through the goddamn night, he wouldn't be so goddamn grumpy every goddamn morning. 
Just a thought.

Me and my two littles are at my dad's. My 18-year-old step brother is playing Xbox and I walked my nine-year-old sister to the bus stop this morning. Life is strange for me right now, but not bad and not uncomfortable. But we are definitely in a transitory place. 
I like it.