This week is hard.
Last week was not so bad. I'll start with last week.
We moved into a house! It's the smallest thing in the world. It's like a cottage! And cottages are cute and quaint and help you to see what matters in life. So we live in a cottage.
We had no stuff and then randomly one night, we did. Through the help of several people, some we know and some we don't, we can start over. Thank you to all. Thank you Universe!
Then Andy left for Pennsylvania. He immediately found my driver's license and social security card. They were packed in a bag that was supposed to come with us, but got crammed into storage instead. So that's that. Andy will hopefully be buying a vehicle today and driving back here with some of our long lost home comforts. :)
Yesterday, Eli had a hard day. I feel like his hard days are especially devastating because he doesn't get bratty or whiney, he gets saaaaaaad and introspective. He "just wants to go home." I said we could go to Grammy's home and I guess that's what he meant. We've lived in five places in the last two months and its not the move or change of pace that's hard, it's the lack of comforts like Netflix or certain stories (I left at my cousin's house), and no furniture or blankets that we recognize as ours. And, mostly, that Andy's gone. Only for a few more days, but it's hard for us because everything is gone, including Daddy. We'll get it all back, or most of it, and were not traumatized, I'm just saying. Anyway, me and Eli had a short discussion on how we're home when we're with family and love and we named the people who make us feel like home. We smiled and I tickled his feet and he took a nap. Things were better. Then I had a long conversation with Andy (but mostly myself) about character building and life lessons and the long-view and I felt better too.
But today, I am having a hard time. With Asher. He is so much more difficult than Eli was. Everything is something to scream about and there's always some to scream-cry about. I can't seem to calm down when dealing with him. That's the thing, I deal with him. I don't hang out with him or enjoy him; we don't have tons of fun together...I just deal. And barely at that. And I realized yesterday that maybe we'll get better together, but then there will be one more. Like, another kid. Right now is the ONLY time I have to give him all the loving attention I can...but I can't. I need to change that.
My midwife called this morning to reschedule our meeting today and asked me to consider conventional alternatives (an OB who takes Medicaid) because she's afraid I won't be able to afford her. But I'll get that straightened out. I just was really counting on this midwife idea as a comfort, not another stressor. But, again, I'm sure it will work itself out.
All I want to do is make something! Knit or sew or paint or bake some bread. That's what I do...any kind of making stuff is my relaxant.
Ugh. Maybe I'll remember to laugh once in a while too. That would help.
Alright. My kids have started to make lunch on their own AKA they are destroying the kitchen.
Thank you!
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Life Update
I should have been posting this whole time.
But oh, well.
I'm in a dark room full of sleepers, so I'm not going to go find my camera and put pictures up.
Oh, well.
I'm just here to catch you up. Or really just to lay it all out. So maybe I can look at my life and add it all up and adjust accordingly. But you never really know what life's going to throw at you, do you? You can have a great attitude (which I do....about 40% of the time, but I swear, I am very good in intense, high-pressure positions. I'm like a motha fuggin surgeon.) and make mostly decent decisions (......I have no measure of good or bad decisions. It seems all decisions I make end up crumpled up in the trashcan and then the can is lit on fire and then the house catches and then it hurricanes on the house and then...), but still end up in BFE. That's cool-hand for butt fucking Egypt. I still use it from my sweet high school days. I was the coolest.
So, we left my dad's. We left with money and a plan. We drove all day and it went pretty well. Got some food and a hotel for the night. The next morning, it turns out, everyone's favorite babycake is missing! Mr. Sir Peaches had escaped the night before. The animals weren't allowed in the place and we were on the fourth floor, so there was really no sneaking them in. So they slept in the car. Luckily for us, it was POURING rain, which means that cat is hanging out somewhere, waiting for the rain to quit. Me and Andy took turns stomping around the hotel, in the grass, in the woody area, all over the parking lot, talking to hotel maid people, ect, from eight to eleven in the morning. And it rained the whole time. Andy found him up a ways over a hill having a little cat party by the Cracker Barrel. (They always smell like bacon, so, I get it.)
I cried the tears of relief and joy, we threw him in the car and headed out. Oh, and, obviously, we informed the staff. We're not barbarians! Actually, one lady even came out to meet him. Stupid cat! We didn't get ten miles before we were having major transmission issues. Our car was just tuned up and stuff too. Long, long, long, long boring story short, we got a hotel about five miles from where we slept the night before and kissed our car goodbye. I actually mean that. It's still there. In OHIO. Transmission blew. Not enough money to fix it and hang out in hotels to wait for it. Thankfully, I have a wonderfully generous mom who drove six hours one way to pick us all up. Me, Andy, Eli, Asher, Sophie, Zao, Buggy, Peaches plus our stuff. We made it to IL.
Here we are. The great state of Illinois. I know this place well. There was a great thunderstorm tonight. Andy's never seen storms like this, he thought the world was ending. We had planned on staying here with my mom, Andy getting a job, and/or going to school, and us saving enough money to actually have...enough money. I don't know. But I guess Mom's landlord got pissed that we have a dog, so we are to leave.
So let me state:
No job yet.
School hasn't started yet and his vocational school that was supposed to start next week, is not happening yet either.
No car.
No place.
No money.
Oh, and here's the effing kicker. I left ALL my identification in a purse that accidentally got packed and is sitting in a storage unit. A thousand miles away or something. What does that mean? It means we get NO public aid, no food stamps, no WIC, no Medicare or whatever it's called, no nothing. Andy can't get unemployment because he left his job willingly.
So maybe Andy will join back up to the military? Nope. Not taking any prior service. Holy fucking shit. What now?
We still have things in the works and some very good friends and family on our side. Honestly, we would be nowhere without the help of people who love us and whom we love and appreciate very much. All we need is a job and things will be ok. And we'll find one. It's just ...when? But it will happen, that I know. And that's the only thing. Andy and I are very good at having just awful luck (and probably poor decision making), but sticking through it. This is the kind of stuff we're good at. And lord knows, we're not quitters.
I feel very lucky, though, that Andy is 100% behind me being a stay at home mom, even in these circumstances. I still feel that is our best route, too. And in case you were wondering, these kids are the happiest kids in the whole world. Grammy spoils them with cuddles and cookies. Except tonight, they were watching Two Towers LOTR and eating chili and I wondered how I raised my babies to be such manly men! Anyway, what I'm saying is despite our situation, we, as a family, are doing awesome. We have a lot of love everywhere, even when we are at our wit's end.
But oh, well.
I'm in a dark room full of sleepers, so I'm not going to go find my camera and put pictures up.
Oh, well.
I'm just here to catch you up. Or really just to lay it all out. So maybe I can look at my life and add it all up and adjust accordingly. But you never really know what life's going to throw at you, do you? You can have a great attitude (which I do....about 40% of the time, but I swear, I am very good in intense, high-pressure positions. I'm like a motha fuggin surgeon.) and make mostly decent decisions (......I have no measure of good or bad decisions. It seems all decisions I make end up crumpled up in the trashcan and then the can is lit on fire and then the house catches and then it hurricanes on the house and then...), but still end up in BFE. That's cool-hand for butt fucking Egypt. I still use it from my sweet high school days. I was the coolest.
So, we left my dad's. We left with money and a plan. We drove all day and it went pretty well. Got some food and a hotel for the night. The next morning, it turns out, everyone's favorite babycake is missing! Mr. Sir Peaches had escaped the night before. The animals weren't allowed in the place and we were on the fourth floor, so there was really no sneaking them in. So they slept in the car. Luckily for us, it was POURING rain, which means that cat is hanging out somewhere, waiting for the rain to quit. Me and Andy took turns stomping around the hotel, in the grass, in the woody area, all over the parking lot, talking to hotel maid people, ect, from eight to eleven in the morning. And it rained the whole time. Andy found him up a ways over a hill having a little cat party by the Cracker Barrel. (They always smell like bacon, so, I get it.)
I cried the tears of relief and joy, we threw him in the car and headed out. Oh, and, obviously, we informed the staff. We're not barbarians! Actually, one lady even came out to meet him. Stupid cat! We didn't get ten miles before we were having major transmission issues. Our car was just tuned up and stuff too. Long, long, long, long boring story short, we got a hotel about five miles from where we slept the night before and kissed our car goodbye. I actually mean that. It's still there. In OHIO. Transmission blew. Not enough money to fix it and hang out in hotels to wait for it. Thankfully, I have a wonderfully generous mom who drove six hours one way to pick us all up. Me, Andy, Eli, Asher, Sophie, Zao, Buggy, Peaches plus our stuff. We made it to IL.
Here we are. The great state of Illinois. I know this place well. There was a great thunderstorm tonight. Andy's never seen storms like this, he thought the world was ending. We had planned on staying here with my mom, Andy getting a job, and/or going to school, and us saving enough money to actually have...enough money. I don't know. But I guess Mom's landlord got pissed that we have a dog, so we are to leave.
So let me state:
No job yet.
School hasn't started yet and his vocational school that was supposed to start next week, is not happening yet either.
No car.
No place.
No money.
Oh, and here's the effing kicker. I left ALL my identification in a purse that accidentally got packed and is sitting in a storage unit. A thousand miles away or something. What does that mean? It means we get NO public aid, no food stamps, no WIC, no Medicare or whatever it's called, no nothing. Andy can't get unemployment because he left his job willingly.
So maybe Andy will join back up to the military? Nope. Not taking any prior service. Holy fucking shit. What now?
We still have things in the works and some very good friends and family on our side. Honestly, we would be nowhere without the help of people who love us and whom we love and appreciate very much. All we need is a job and things will be ok. And we'll find one. It's just ...when? But it will happen, that I know. And that's the only thing. Andy and I are very good at having just awful luck (and probably poor decision making), but sticking through it. This is the kind of stuff we're good at. And lord knows, we're not quitters.
I feel very lucky, though, that Andy is 100% behind me being a stay at home mom, even in these circumstances. I still feel that is our best route, too. And in case you were wondering, these kids are the happiest kids in the whole world. Grammy spoils them with cuddles and cookies. Except tonight, they were watching Two Towers LOTR and eating chili and I wondered how I raised my babies to be such manly men! Anyway, what I'm saying is despite our situation, we, as a family, are doing awesome. We have a lot of love everywhere, even when we are at our wit's end.
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