Hard times=tough people??

This week is hard.

Last week was not so bad. I'll start with last week.

We moved into a house! It's the smallest thing in the world. It's like a cottage! And cottages are cute and quaint and help you to see what matters in life. So we live in a cottage.
We had no stuff and then randomly one night, we did. Through the help of several people, some we know and some we don't, we can start over. Thank you to all. Thank you Universe!

Then Andy left for Pennsylvania. He immediately found my driver's license and social security card. They were packed in a bag that was  supposed to come with us, but got crammed into storage instead. So that's that. Andy will hopefully be buying a vehicle today and driving back here with some of our long lost home comforts. :)

Yesterday, Eli had a hard day. I feel like his hard days are especially devastating because he doesn't get bratty or whiney, he gets saaaaaaad and introspective. He "just wants to go home." I said we could go to Grammy's home and I guess that's what he meant. We've lived  in five places in the last two months and its not the move or change of pace that's hard, it's the lack of comforts like Netflix or certain stories (I left at my cousin's house), and no furniture or blankets that we recognize as ours. And, mostly, that Andy's gone. Only for a few more days, but it's hard for us because everything is gone, including Daddy. We'll get it all back, or most of it, and were not traumatized, I'm just saying. Anyway, me and Eli had a short discussion on how we're home when we're with family and love and we named the people who make us feel like home. We smiled and I tickled his feet and he took a nap. Things were better. Then I had a long conversation with Andy (but mostly myself) about character building and life lessons and the long-view and I felt better too.

But today, I am having a hard time. With Asher. He is so much more difficult than Eli was. Everything is something to scream about and there's always some to scream-cry about. I can't seem to calm down when dealing with him. That's the thing, I deal with him. I don't hang out with him or enjoy him; we don't have tons of fun together...I just deal. And barely at that. And I realized yesterday that maybe we'll get better together, but then there will be one more. Like, another kid. Right now is the ONLY time I have to give him all the loving attention I can...but I can't. I need to change that.

My midwife called this morning to reschedule our meeting today and asked me to consider conventional alternatives (an OB who takes Medicaid) because she's afraid I won't be able to afford her. But I'll get that straightened out. I just was really counting on this midwife idea as a comfort, not another stressor. But, again, I'm sure it will work itself out.

All I want to do is make something! Knit or sew or paint or bake some bread. That's what I do...any kind of making stuff is my relaxant.
Ugh. Maybe I'll remember to laugh once in a while too. That would help.

Alright. My kids have started to make lunch on their own AKA they are destroying the kitchen.

Thank you!